THE FOXY LIBRARIAN AND OTHER APPELLATIONS

It seems that whenever I am regularly around a group of people I don't know, I find myself giving secret nicknames to many of the other people. The sobriquets usually result because of some observed physical characteristic or mannerism, or because the person involved reminds me of someone else. For instance, several years ago I attended a week of depositions for a case in Cincinnati. There were ten other attorneys at the depositions that week, all of whom were previously unknown to me.

As the week wore on, and without consciously thinking about it, I found that I had given secret monikers to a number of the other attorneys. The nicknames included Mick Jagger, Danny Partridge, The Senator, The Blonde Goddess, Gene Hackman and Nerdly. You can guess why I gave each person his or her handle, and you would probably be right.

Of course, when I do this nicknaming, I do not tell the subjects. I keep the pseudonyms to myself, and they usually dissolve if I later develop a friendship or other relationship with the person. I guess it's because the people become more genuine to me at that point. Once you know a person, you can no longer view him or her as a physical characteristic or mannerism observed upon first impression.

The nickname phenomenon also occurred when I began working out at a now-defunct gym called The Fitness Zone. It seems likely to happen in the gym setting, because there you may see the same people working out every day without speaking to them or in any way getting to know them--at least for a while. Some of the characters at the Fitness Zone were secretly dubbed by me as: The Linebacker, Flounder, The Countess, Bonnie & Clyde, The Foxy Librarian, and J.C. ("J.C." was so named because he looked a lot like Jesus Christ.) In time, a number of these people became my friends. I got particularly close to the couple that I had previously called Bonnie & Clyde. I never told them about their secret handles.

I bring all this up because I have now noticed the nickname phenomenon happening again, as I work out at the YMCA in New Albany. I've been hitting it six or seven days per week for the last several months, and so I have been seeing a number of unknown regulars on a consistent basis. Once again, I have found myself unwittingly dubbing them in my usual fashion. Some of my current workout companions have now secretly become known to me as The Thoroughbred, The Princess, The Sociology Professor, The Coach and The Novelist.

I wonder if any of these unsuspecting people have ever given me a secret moniker. If so, I wonder what it could be. The Lawyer? Gee, I hope not. I certainly hope that I don't look like the prototypical lawyer; that would be a devastating insult, far worse than Nerdly or Flounder. If I could give a nickname to myself, it would probably be The Warrior or The Greek God. But maybe I'm known as Gramps or Old Baldy. I'll never know.

Just this morning, The Sociology Professor was working out on a cardio machine a few feet away from me. It occurred to me to ask him how his lectures have been going this semester, but then I thought better of it. After all, he and I have never spoken, and he may actually be an accountant or a rodeo clown for all I know. But he sure looks like a sociology professor to me.

I suspect that, in time, I will get to know some of my new workout companions by their real names. When I do, their unannounced labels will recede to the largely unused corners of my mind, where they will continue to evoke a smile of amusement for me from time to time.

CONTROL OF THE PALATE

During a recent visit to a high school in Arlington, Virginia, President Obama was asked to name the one person, living or dead, with whom he would choose to dine if given the opportunity. He quickly responded by naming Mahatma Gandhi, the renowned spiritual and political leader of India who was assassinated in 1948. Obama noted that the meal would probably be a small one, as Gandhi was known not to eat very much.

This comment by the president intrigued me, and caused me to look further into the dietary philosophy of Gandhi. A strict vegetarian, he was initially trained as a barrister in London. (The great ones are always lawyers, aren't they?) In later years, he wrote about the importance of establishing complete "control of the palate." Gandhi advocated the idea of having a common kitchen "with acceptable food of which we may take only a limited quantity with contented and thankful mind."

In Yeravda Mandir, Gandhi made the following observations about dietary self-discipline and overcoming the natural tendency toward overeating:

--"We must not be thinking of food all the twenty-four hours of the day...We must resolutely set our faces against mere indulgence."

--"Most of us, instead of keeping the organs of sense under control, become their slaves...The body is injured every time that one overeats, and the injury can be partially repaired only by fasting."

--"Food has to be taken as we take medicine, that is, without thinking whether it is palatable or otherwise, and only in quantities limited to the needs of the body."

--"Parents, out of false affection, give their children a variety of foods, ruin their constitution, and create in them artificial tastes. When they grow up, they have diseased bodies and perverted tastes. The evil consequences of this early indulgence dog us at every step; we waste much money and fall an easy prey to the medicine man."

--"We have to give up many things that we have been enjoying, as they are not needed for nutrition. And one who thus gives up a multitude of eatables will acquire self-control in the natural course of things."

Thought-provoking ideas, aren't they? Gandhi penned these words about overindulgence almost eighty years ago. Imagine what he would have to say about the portions that are routinely served in our culture today, not to mention the availability of unhealthy fast food. If we believe that our bodies are temples, or if we just want to keep them healthy for as long as possible, we would be wise to remember Gandhi's advice. Like him, we should strive for control of the palate.

THE BLUE BELLIES, FRESH BLACKTOP AND OTHER RUMINATIONS

*I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst, as the Cards are getting ready to play the hated Blue Bellies in Lexington this Saturday. It could be ugly, but I'm wishing for the upset. The outcome of this game could go a long way in determining the ultimate fate of Stevie Krags as the Louisville coach.

*The new pavement in front of my office on Pearl Street has reminded me of when I was a child, and they blacktopped Borden Road where I lived. How I loved riding my bike on it, gliding on the smooth new surface for hours and hours.

*Having an early morning workout sets a great tone for the rest of the day.

*Is it just me, or does the Ohio River appear to be clearer and more blue than it used to?

*It is never appropriate or acceptable to heckle the president of the United States, no matter how much we may disagree with his or her views.

*I agree with President Obama that Kanye West is a jackass.

*I know that many people in America have been put into financial ruin by health care costs. The cost of health care in our country is obscene, and I think that something needs to be done about it. At the same time, I am uncomfortable with the idea of creating a huge new federal bureaucracy to deal with the issue. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I would like to see the debate conducted with more civility.

*I still don't know whether Certs is really a candy or a breath mint.

THE PIGSKIN COMETH

     It should come as no surprise to regular CoffeeSpoons readers to learn that I am beginning to get very eager for the upcoming football season to begin.  It happens about this time every year.  No matter how much I'm enjoying baseball, hiking or any other pastime, there's a certain void in my sports life that can only be filled when I see the oblong-shaped ball teed up and the helmets start clashing.  I'm hungry for it.  I long for it.  I want it.  

     I love both college and pro football.  Once the season begins, I will start performing daily checks of the "Sports on the Air" segment of The Courier-Journal to see what games are going to be televised locally.  I always wonder why they don't show the Canadian Football League anymore.  When I was a kid the CFL was on every week during its season, and I enjoyed watching it very much.  The CFL season is in full swing right now, and watching it would be the perfect appetizer to whet my appetite for the American season.  The league is filled with former American college players such as U of L great Stefan LeFors, whom I would love to watch play.  

     My greatest football passion is for the Louisville Cardinals.  I've been attending their home games for nearly forty years. (Not all of them, of course, but as many as I can.)  After achieving astounding success just three years ago, the Cards have now stumbled upon hard times.  I truly believe that the hard times will be no more than a temporary glitch.  Despite gloomy forecasts for the upcoming season, I find myself getting pumped about the Cards again this year. There is a lot of talent there. I'm hoping that the current coaching staff will be able to prove the naysayers wrong.  If not, there may be a new coaching staff in place next year. 

     In addition to Louisville, I'll be attending home games at Navy and Illinois this year.  Both are outstanding college football venues, and I'm psyched to be able to cheer on both the Midshipmen and the Illini in person.  I also think it would be fun to travel to Western Kentucky to see a game in their new stadium.  I plan to do that at some point. 

     In the NFL, my first allegiance is to the Cincinnati Bengals.  I've also become a fan of the Indianapolis Colts.  I currently use much of my spare time devouring information from the web sites of both teams, studying their rosters, depth charts and schedules for the coming season.  I suspect that I must have been a football coach in another life. 

     The Louisville Cardinals begin play at Papa John's Cardinal Stadium on Saturday, September 5th.  The NFL regular season kicks off on September 10th.  I'm licking my chops, looking forward to those days with eager anticipation.  

     

SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT


It was very strange today to find myself sitting in the witness chair, testifying. I have, of course, been in the courtroom on many occasions over the last 23 years. I've always been there as an advocate, questioning witnesses or arguing points of law. Today, however, was different. Today I was called to testify on behalf of a very good friend who is going through a major custody battle. I was called as a fact and character witness to testify as to my opinions and observations about my friend's parenting abilities.

I was happy to do this. I am very familiar with the situation, and was glad to be able to express my views and opinions. It so happens that my friend is a wonderful father, as I have observed many times over, and I told the judge that without reservation. Still, the experience gave me a new perspective. I was anxious and cautious to make sure that I was honest and thorough in my testimony. I wanted to make sure that everything I said was right. I hope that all witnesses sworn under oath feel that same weight of responsibility. The experience gave me a new appreciation for what witnesses go through.

I know that some witnesses lie under oath. I would be naive to suggest otherwise. But I truly believe that most people are honest, and that it means something to the majority of people if they raise their hand and swear to tell the truth in a court of law. At least I hope so.

I will remember this experience, with a greater degree of empathy, the next time I am the one conducting the examination. We are never too old to learn something new.

NCAA CHAMPION SPOTTED IN NEW ALBANY

     This week I've been seeing former University of Louisville Cardinal basketball great Wiley Brown at the YMCA in New Albany.  Brown, who is now the head basketball coach at I.U. Southeast, has apparently been conducting a youth basketball clinic there all week.  He was a starter on U of L's 1980 national championship team.  

     I obtained my law degree from U of L, after getting my undergraduate degree at I.U. Southeast.  Wiley Brown's involvement at both universities is, for me, a neat confluence of people and places.  I must get out to watch the Grenadiers play some games this year.  

THOUGHTS AND OBSERVATIONS

     Hello again, friends.  I'm sorry not to have blogged in a while, but it has been an exceptionally busy summer for me.  In addition to my litigation calendar, my daughter Tristan became Mrs. Mickey McGill on the Fourth of July, pursuant to an elaborate and lovely wedding and reception. The happy couple recently returned from their honeymoon cruise, and are now residing at their home in Indianapolis.  

     Tonight, weather permitting, will be the opening performance of Hamlet by The Globe Players at Louisville's Central Park.  My son Collin plays the role of Polonius, and I can hardly wait to see it.  Collin is the only student selected from an Indiana high school to participate.  I know that it is going to be a great show. 

     I have many things on my mind but, for now, I just want to share with you some random thoughts and observations that I've had lately.  I present them in no particular order: 

     *A good, sound sleep is one of the more enjoyable things in life.  The older I get, the more I appreciate this. 

     *Too much beer makes one fat.  I have learned this lesson the hard way.  

     *A smiling face really does make a person seem infinitely more attractive. 

     *People often mistake a generally quiet demeanor for shyness.  They are certainly not the same thing. 

     *It amazes me that people are legally permitted to use cell phones while driving. 

     *I still don't know why people have to wear clothes all the time. 

     *Those who think they know it all are wrong.  Such people are a huge turn off. 

     *Gay people are people, just like everybody else.  Some are cool and some are dorks.  We make a mistake if we attempt to classify any large group en masse. 

     *Typing has turned out to be one of the most useful classes that I had in high school.  I did not appreciate its importance at the time.  Thank you, Ms. Shofner, wherever you are. 

     *Fresh garden vegetables are one of the best things about summertime.  They are both delicious and healthy.  And the best tasting ones seem to come from my dad's garden in rural Virginia.  

     *My parents were right: The older I get, the more time flies. 

     *If I could transform myself into any animal, I think I would choose to be an eagle.  I would love to be able to spread my wings and soar high above the earth.  At this point, I do that every night in my dreams. 

     That's all for now.  Skoal, everybody.